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02 April 2007 @ 05:41 pm
We should talk  
Derek was lying in an empty on call room. He left Meredith to get away. He need some space especially from her. Derek was so upset, you can tell the moment you looked at him. Tears filled his eyes. He couldn't get over that Addison lost the baby. Nancy tried comforting him but it didn't work. And Addison didn't want to see Derek or Mark, but Derek wanted to sit with Addison. He felt like he needed to be there with her. Derek tried calming himself down but he couldn't. He was too upset. He was looking forward to being a father. In the same day he found out that he was going be be a father, then later to find out he wasn't. It was too much for him to handle. He was over joyed to find out Addison was pregnant, even though they weren't together. He was still happy.

Derek was almost asleep when his pager went off, he grumbled hoping it wasn't Meredith. out of all people he couldn't deal with her right now. He looked down to see it was Addison who was paging him. Derek sluggishly got up from the bed and left the on call room. He headed to Addison's room. Derek opened the door and walked in. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it, wiping his eyes constantly. Derek had trouble looking at Addison, it made him feel worst be he knew he had to. "Ho... How are.... you?" Derek asked, still wiping the tears. He walk over to Addison's side and pulled up a chair, sitting down he looked up at Addison.
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dr_addison_f_m on April 2nd, 2007 10:23 pm (UTC)
Addison looked up as she heard the door open. She was clinging onto the 3ft bear that the peds nurses had bought her. She knew she looked like Derek but her hair was all over and stuck to dried tears. She couldn't cry anymore. She had wanted this child more than anything else in her life. "Sore, tired and all I want to do is cry." Addison told Derek as she followed him with her eyes. Not wanting to move as it pulled at the scar.
drshepherd on April 2nd, 2007 10:38 pm (UTC)
Derek took hold of Addison's hand as tears rolled down his cheeks. "We got something in common, well two out of the three." Derek replied as he rubbed the tears from his eyes with his free hand. "I haven't stopped crying. I've been crying since Nancy told me." Derek admitted as he looked down, his forehead against Addison and his hands. "I don't know what to do next." Derek added, not looking up at Addison.
dr_addison_f_m on April 2nd, 2007 10:50 pm (UTC)
Addison let Derek take her hand as the other stayed wrapped around the bear. It hurt even more to see the effect it had had on Derek. Listening to gim as he spoke. She had no idea how to carry on and it seemed like Derek didn't either. Letting a tear slip down her cheek as she looked down and placed her chin against the soft fur. "I don't either. I guess you carry on with Meredith and I go back to being single." Addison told him as she fought against the tear, not sure if she wanted to cry anymore.
drshepherd on April 2nd, 2007 10:56 pm (UTC)
Derek shook his head at Addison. Derek looked up at Addison as he saw a tear roll down her cheek. Some tears ran down Derek's face before speaking. "I don't care about Meredith at this point. I don't know how to move on with Meredith." Derek replied as he cried softly. He was still pretty upset about Addison loosing the baby and it was partly Meredith's fault. "I can't carry on with Meredith, not now. Not after what happen." Derek told Addison. "What about Mark?" Derek asked, between tears.
dr_addison_f_m on April 3rd, 2007 07:04 am (UTC)
Addison watched Derek as he spoke, listening to his every word, wanting some hope. Hope that everything was going to be okay. Her eyes slightly widened, she couldn't remember much leading up to the surgery. But she could remember her talk with Meredith, well parts of it. "We had a big fight last night, which included alot of hatred and throwing of glasses. Oh, and he also flirted with my best friend." Addison muttered, not having it in her to talk. Looking up at him, knowing to bring Meredith later.
drshepherd on April 3rd, 2007 08:04 pm (UTC)
Derek took a deep breath and nodded his head. Derek wiped his eyes as he kissed Addison's hand. "Do you feel... like empty. As if a part of you is missing?" Derek asked. Derek was curious if Addison felt the same way. She probably did since the baby was growing inside of her, but Derek was still attached. He felt as if he had a part of him missing. He felt empty. Even though he only knew about the child for a few hours, the child was a part of him.
dr_addison_f_m on April 3rd, 2007 08:34 pm (UTC)
Addison nodded her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. She felt as if half of her was missing. As if someone had ripped part of her out and left her like that. She felt lost. She felt alone. She knew she wasn't but she did. "Yes, as if half of me is missing. You?" Addison asked, she had read about cases were the fathers had felt the same way. They would, it was there child. You would have to be crazy not to.
drshepherd on April 3rd, 2007 08:44 pm (UTC)
Derek bit his lip, trying to stop the tears but couldn't. He nodded his head. "I feel the same way." Derek replied as he closed his eyes. "I know I've only known about this child for a just today, but it doesn't matter. The moment you told me I became attached, even though you were the one pregnant. That didn't matter much to me." Derek told Addison as he looked up at her. Within a day he grew attach, and you don't realize that a person can be taken away from you so quickly, a person who you've never met.
dr_addison_f_m on April 3rd, 2007 08:54 pm (UTC)
"I know." Addison whispered as she watched Derek. He was like her, she had only found out the night before but she felt as if she had known out for weeks. She had become so attached and had spent her night in the bath just talking to her stomach, well after she had stopped speaking to Mark. She just wished she had jumped at Meredith and just walked out but Nancy had explained that it was going to happen at some point and it was better it happened now rather than later. "It just hurts." Addison sobbed as she let her tears flow more freely, burring her face in the soft fluff of the teddy bear.
drshepherd on April 4th, 2007 02:35 am (UTC)
Derek nodded his head. It did hurt, and Derek understood that. He understood that it hurt because it hurt him, it hurt him badly. "The one time we are given to become parents, it's taken away from us in a blink of an eye." Derek told Addison. Derek leaned his head against Addison and his hands. "How do we move on?" Derek asked. Over a few hours he became attach to the baby even if he didn't fully showed it. Inside he was becoming attach and thinking about the future. Even if Derek was only going to get weekends with his child, he wanted to make those weekends the best and now he can't.
dr_addison_f_m on April 4th, 2007 07:46 am (UTC)
"I don't know." Addison managed to get out through her tears. She couldn't go more than a few minutes with out crying. She didn't have a clue how she was going to work after this. She see's mouths almost everyday doing this and she knew she couldn't do it. "I can't... I don't think I can carry on." Addison had lost everything within a week. Her husband, her marriage, Mark and now the baby. She had nothing left to hold on. She knew her career was gone after this, so she well and truely had nothing at all.
drshepherd on April 4th, 2007 06:26 pm (UTC)
"It hurts too much." Derek replied, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He wanted to ask Addison something but he wasn't sure. He wasn't sure if it was appropriate or not. "Do you want me to lay with you?" Derek asked, thinking Addison may need some comfort. Even if it's from her soon to be ex-husband and the father of the child she lost. To Derek it didn't matter, it seemed like he needed her. It didn't matter that they were going to get a divorce.
dr_addison_f_m on April 4th, 2007 07:46 pm (UTC)
Addison slowly nodded her head. The bear in her arms didn't offer that much comfort but it was something to hold onto. "Please." Addison whispered, for some reason she was to scared to talk out loud. Everything had gone, everyone had left her. She needed some hope, just something. She wasn't sure if she had ever been in so much mental pain before. She had gone through some bad stuff but this had topped it all.
drshepherd on April 4th, 2007 11:22 pm (UTC)
"Okay." Derek replied softly. Derek moved the teddy bear over a little. Derek stood up from the chair and sat on the bed with Addison. He put his arm around Addison, letting her rest her head on his chest. Derek kissed the top of Addison's head as tears rolled down his face. Derek closed his eyes as he took a deep breath.
dr_addison_f_m on April 5th, 2007 08:22 am (UTC)
Addison clinged onto his shirt and let the tears roll down her eyes. This was unfair. Letting her head rest against his chest while her hands had a death grip on his shirt. She needed someone to hold onto, someone to be there. She had nothing. "I can't go back to work." Addison choked out. She couldn't work with expecting mothers, or see them go through what she had just gone through, because either way it would break her heart.
drshepherd on April 5th, 2007 06:21 pm (UTC)
"You mean for the next couple of weeks or for forever?" Derek questioned as he opened his eyes. He knew it may be tough for Addison to go back and work with pregnant women, or even telling them that they lost their baby. He knew it would be very tough for her. Derek rubbed Addison's back softly as he held her close to him, not wanting to let go of her. He also knew that she wouldn't want to let go of him.
dr_addison_f_m on April 5th, 2007 06:37 pm (UTC)
"Forever, I just can't." Addison sobbed out, she knew she had the skills to go into any other speciality but she wasn't sure if she could do that. If she couldn't save her own child's life, how could she save someone else's life? "It'll be too hard." Addison added as she rested her cheek against his chest. Her hands still gripping onto his shirt.
drshepherd on April 5th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC)
Derek nodded his head. "I understand." Derek replied as he kissed Addison's head once again. "I get it Addison. It would be too difficult." Derek said as he looked down at her. "Are you going to stop being a doctor completely?" Derek asked. He hoped she wasn't going to give up on being a doctor, she has too much talent. Derek then ran his hand through her hair slowly.
dr_addison_f_m on April 5th, 2007 06:49 pm (UTC)
Addison wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm not sure." In truth she wasn't. She loved her job but this had thrown her of course with everything she knew. "If I can't save my own child, how can I save other people. If I can't save my own blood how can I save strangers?" Addison asked as she looked up at Derek. She didn't get it. It was screwed up.
drshepherd on April 5th, 2007 09:59 pm (UTC)
"I get what your saying." Derek replied as he nodded his head. He understood completely. It was like if he had to do brain surgery on his own child and they died, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself let alone ever operate again. "Well you have time to think. Richard isn't expecting you back to work right away." Derek told Addison. Richard gave Addison some time off and Derek was glad.
dr_addison_f_m on April 6th, 2007 06:24 am (UTC)
Addison nodded her head as she started to choke on her tears. It was too much for her to handle. She was alone. She never delt well with being alone. She never could be by herself. She couldn't sleep in a bed by herself. She only covld when she got too tired and she gave in against her body. "I never thought I would end up alone."
drshepherd on April 6th, 2007 03:13 pm (UTC)
Derek began rubbing Addison's back again,, trying his best to calm her down. "You won't be alone." Derek told Addison in a soft voice. "You will find a guy and you will always have me as a friend." Derek stated, kissing the top of Addison's head once again. "Maybe we could be alone together, I don't know what I'm going to do about Meredith." Derek added as he closed his eyes.
dr_addison_f_m on April 6th, 2007 03:43 pm (UTC)
"So we'll be the divorce couple who sit at bars and drink together?" Addison asked, trying to lighten her own room. Her tears turned into hiccups. At least she had managed to calm herself down. Keeping hold of his shirt as she looked up at him. "So if you don't get back with Meredith, we've thrown our marriage away for nothing?" Addison asked as she raised an eyebrow at him.
drshepherd on April 6th, 2007 05:04 pm (UTC)
Derek smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe, I mean we've had some good times while we were drunk." Derek replied to Addison, then thinking about her question. "I don't know, maybe. I just can't deal with her now." Derek told Meredith. Nancy told Derek it was bound to happen anyway, but Meredith just helped it happen sooner. And if Meredith didn't help make it sooner, well he wouldn't be so mad at her and so confuse about what to do.
dr_addison_f_m on April 6th, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC)
Addison bit her lip and nodded but she really only knew how to act round Derek drunk as a couple. She was awful when she was drunk. She would flirt with everyone and anyone, it didn't matter who it was. Looking up at Derek she understood what he meant. She was going to keep her distance from Meredith for a while just till she had calmed down. She wasn't sure when that would be but she would never forgive her.
(no subject) - drshepherd on April 6th, 2007 06:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 6th, 2007 07:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 6th, 2007 09:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 6th, 2007 09:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 6th, 2007 10:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drshepherd on April 6th, 2007 11:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - drshepherd on April 6th, 2007 11:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 7th, 2007 09:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 8th, 2007 05:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 8th, 2007 05:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drshepherd on April 8th, 2007 05:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 8th, 2007 06:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drshepherd on April 8th, 2007 06:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 8th, 2007 06:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - drshepherd on April 8th, 2007 07:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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(no subject) - dr_addison_f_m on April 16th, 2007 08:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)